nothing absolutely wrong or terrible in specifics triggered this returned unhappyness. i mean. the end result feels wrong. it feels bad i guess. but it's only because it had to be taken away. it wasn't anything like anything else. i just lost it. it's still there. still beautiful. the smiles and the perfection are all there. it's just behind a very, very thick veil. and i have no capacity to pull that veil away anytime soon. how positively unfair this world is.
it would usually be at about this point in the evening that as my shoulders slipped back into depression, i would be reminded, and it would be okay. that that is gone, is fairly horrifying to parts of me.
but journals only do so much, i guess.
inspired, and uninspired tonite.
hopefully leaving this pathetic excuse for a city behind me will aid in discarding the rotten flesh that is all of these bad, bad, memories.
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